uh oh

first post in …2 years?

i haven’t really written anything for a long long time…like i wrote a line here and there on facebook, updating my status, but i am not really blogging…

i almost forget i blog here…until i saw the tungfook bible reading page…

ummmm

i read the stuff i wrote here like 2-3 years ago and i almost dun remember i went through that. and at some point i was like did i really write that?? did i really expose myself SO MUCH so freely (or seemingly freely) in a random blog? there were like 3 seconds i wanted to delete this blog but then i saw some comments from a dear brother and just suddenly recalled the me 2 years ago. no i want to keep this blog even some of the things i had written had strangely embarrassed me. i dun even know why they do. but yeah i want to keep this piece of me on wordpress.

tonight i deleted some emails in my hotmail inbox. i was tempted (and i gave in) to read one of them and i found myself reading a stranger’s words. it’s so sad how two people used to be so connected went their seperate ways and just never stay in touch anymore. i also read some emails i wrote to my friends telling them ‘im ok’ but in fact looking back i was obviously in a destructive self-denial state and obviously NOT ok. all my life im just not used to living as a weak person but now i see how happy it is to be your true self and knowing for sure that god loves me the way i am and i dun even have a certain image to preserve even as i grow older.

oh so after writing these paragraphs i suddenly figured out why i stopped blogging. i used to think my thougths are super important and it’s important that i express them because they are SUPER important (circular…). blah.

oh and super random: last night someone talked to me in a way that a string of my heart is touched. not in a good way.

ok back to bible reading…exodus is a really cool book.

and i am praying so hard that i won’t be late for school tmr…

this entry sounds super heavy but in fact im blanking out that’s why…HAHA

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