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today i went to daddy's room in ica and we prayed…i only stayed there for the morning session and we were praying for intimacy…then pnate felt that we have to pray for broken families and this fatherless and motherless generation…i wasn't particularly feeling a thing because i didn't let myself to…i didn't know what i was feeling and what i want god to do with my dad.
dad is super stressed out these days because of the new project…and i totally don't know what to do. somehow i think i kinda let this problem roll on and refuse to think about it…and i even asked him to go see uncle george…thinking in this way i would have discharged my part of duty…but i just felt that it is such a bad thing to deny my own father of his needs…and finally i suggested i should go with him next friday (have to tell alain later about it, or if you are reading it, let me know!)…and today there was a time when auntie winnie represented the 'mothers' of hk and pray for each one of us…and i felt the love of god was so great…i think i've been hurting because my parents, although attitudes changing, are not as supportive as many of those 'tung fook' parents…and sometimes they broke (mainly my mom, my dad doesn't have much opinion) my heart because it felt so bad to have your parents to criticize the practice of your beloved church and even certain aspects of bible teachings(e.g. fast. when i told them i am not going to have dinner because i was fasting they went really worried…sigh and i told them if they know more about fasting they would not be so worried). how i wanted to have a mother that trusts me in my choice of life and encourges me to love jesus more and build his kingdom bigger. the role of my mom was more like this: she wouldn't encourage me anything because apparently she thinks i am doing fine and enough…she only have an opinion when she thinks i am doing too much…so she doesn't say anything about my visions and stuff…and when she talks about it…it always hurt my heart inside…i am afraid to admit this…it is hard.
lord…i pray for my family…that we would all be serving you…and loving you and understand you. i really wanna encourage my parents to love you more and to spread the gospel…i know you are changing them already and i thank you for the things you've done coz i know it's already a huge change and big step…but i ask for more. jesus please bless our family
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also today went to do a library serach for my crim essay due next tuesday. there was a friend who reminded me not to be so worried and told us it is not really necessary to read so many stuff…i agree…
so jesus…i may not be the one who is reseraching+doing things in the best efficient way…but this is me. i may not be really competent…but this is how god has designed me =) this is already enough =)
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